laverite - I had always been terrified of the demons and was constantly worried about a possible demon attack.
I felt the very same way. I feel I did nothing that deserved me having this terror all the time. But when it is ingrained you, it makes you constantly look over your shoulder. Believe it or not, the only way I got over the fear was when I read the "Spirits of the Dead" brochure by the WBTS. (I'm not promoting here. Just being honest. But feel free to throw-up if you get the feeling. )
Oh yes, and seeing as your hands may have been involved in something "sinful", in what way exactly did your neighbors have to clean you up? (Not an elder but asking an elder probing question nonetheless. Your honesty and openness don't guarantee your repentance. LOL )